Lucia Looz, 2023

In our culture, there is something hypnotizing about a pair of big breasts - at least, that’s what we are taught. We see hundreds of jokes in movies and television shows, usually about a man ogling at a woman with large breasts. It is a joke that never grows old for straight men because they relate to risking everything so they can feel a woman’s breasts. It is an urge they learned since they were young boys, and the media and the adults in their lives allow the urge to fester. They say it’s normal and then turn around to say “boys will be boys”. There’s nothing wrong with attraction towards large breasts, but there needs to be basic respect shown that almost never is. Because no one thinks about girls and women with large breasts, and what it’s like to be told you have a gift when it feels like a curse.

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There was an episode of South Park called “Bebe’s Boobs Destroy Society”. Despite South Park’s outrageous humor, it actually portrays young boys noticing breasts accurately. It portrays my experience with precocious puberty quite accurately. The episode starts with Bebe telling her friends she noticed something different about her body - she thinks she started “growing” boobs. The boys notice her new body too, but don’t figure that out yet. Instead, the boys think she has a “cool” personality and always want to hang out with her, but really they just like her boobs. Bebe thinks they genuinely like her too, but still notice their strange behavior. She becomes an obsession and whenever the boys are jealous, they act like apes. Even as an eight year old, I remember the eyes, the whispers and the jokes about my chest. Like Bebe, the girls in my class labeled me a slut and whore for receiving so much attention from boys. But even though I received attention from boys, it was mostly negative. They reminded me how stupid and annoying I was, but then I caught their eyes on my chest. It was so confusing as a young girl who was already confused about her body. What confused me more was when the boy I liked boobsqueezed me during recess. His friends cackled as I stood frozen, not understanding what happened, but knew it wasn’t right. I tried telling the lunch mom what happened, but she did nothing. She said that’s why boys and girls don’t play together, and besides, I’ve got “the boobs”. An older woman not only sexualized an eleven year old girl, but excused the actions of my classmates in a single sentence. I never told anyone else out of embarrassment and knowing no one would do anything anyway.

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I always knew what happened was wrong, but a decade later, I learned groping was considered sexual assault. Meaning I was sexually assaulted at eleven years old by a classmate. And nothing was done about it. The boy I liked saw an opportunity to wrongfully empower himself and humiliate someone he hated in the same action. He seized his moment and gained approval from his friends, and as a result, my body no longer felt like mine.

My developing body was sacrificed to empower a young boy. That is the root of sexual assault and sexual violence. Within patriarchy, there are few ways men feel like “real” men. They play sports. They drink. They party. They have sex. They degrade women and their bodies. It makes them feel powerful and patriarchal societies support it. Because men are supposed to be powerful and destroy everything in their path, including a girl’s self-esteem and pride. Including a woman’s breasts, no matter what size, but big breasts experience the brunt of their abuse. They squeeze. They spit. They grab. They peek. They learn as young boys that seeing a pair of boobs is a rite of passage towards manhood.

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Despite following what is supposed to feel good, men never do. Power and degradation may feel validating for a minute, but afterwards, men are not fulfilled. Because patriarchy denies men love and validation, men never know what it feels like. Love and validation is something to be earned, not given. Young boys have enormous pressure to meet standards of manhood, especially from father figures. They know meeting everyone’s standards means love and validation they crave. If they fail, they feel deep shame and anxiety. Anxiety that they will never be a real man and everyone thinks they should’ve been a girl. It is quite a destructive cycle and we wonder why men overcompensate so much.

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Maybe that’s another reason why men are so obsessed with breasts. It might sound Freudian, but maybe breasts remind them of a simpler time. A time they received love and attention without earning it. Breastfeeding as babies and cuddling with their moms as toddlers. Maybe that’s why men who prefer breasts are labeled as immature compared to men who prefer butts. Because they yearn for love and comfort instead of domination and gratification.

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It’s definitely strange, but this is an oppressive system we live in. We encourage young men to be entitled and domineering, even if young girls are sacrificed as a result. We do not give young boys love and validation once they start developing. We only give love if we feel they earned it. Even when we grant affection, men are never fulfilled because they are so deprived of what they yearn for. It becomes a destructive cycle and they do whatever they can to feel like men. It is unfair towards men, but it is an injustice towards women. Because even though women understand toxic masculinity, that does not mean they should have a lifetime’s worth of sexual trauma. I should’ve never been touched and that boy should’ve been punished for what he did. No girl should feel the humiliation I felt, but it still happens today since nothing has changed. At least now I no longer carry shame about my body and I advocate against sexual violence so it can finally end.